The Hot Loneliness

Though I know teachers probably experience it most in the coming month, I believe we are all familiar with anxiety in some form. Regardless of the scale, it can fill many of our hours and days for various reasons.

It seems as though 'anxiety' has become interchangeable with 'stress'. Both have very similar connotations; however, being 'stressed' vs. being 'anxious' are two distinctly different experiences.


Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances

Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Based on these definition, I see stress more along the lines of a choice. 

I choose my stress level when the idiot driver in front of me can't figure out isn't aware of the speed limit and chooses to drive moronically at a slower pace.

I choose my stress level when, even after four years, I'm surprised that my husband is running late...again.

I choose my stress level when I overwhelm myself about finances, as though anyone every thinks he/she has enough money--when Trump can claim bankruptcy, I don't need to fret over the coupons I left at home...

A state is something I have control over. Ultimately, I decide how I am going to perceive the events around me. I'm not saying that I want to be stressed, but I do believe that I choose to be stressed based on my perceptions of the world around me.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is rooted in an internal feeling. I don't believe anxiety to be a choice; I see it more along the lines of a chemical or subconscious response to those imminent events or uncertain outcomes.

I have never had the ability to choose my level of anxiety. As a feeling, it can arise without warning & can be debilitating for many people.

Where stress is a tension that grows over time, anxiety tends to be an instant, instinctual reaction.

Though I don't consider living with anxiety to be a choice; I now believe that we do have a choice in how we allow it to affect us.

I once heard a perfect analogy for life with anxiety:

Imagine a dense, burdensome book. Now, imagine that this book is anxiety.

Visualize yourself holding the book out in front of you as someone pushes against it. The challenge that you're facing is a metaphor for the times when you try to wrestle with anxiety. The more you try to deny or rationalize it, the more you will struggle.

Now visualize yourself holding that same book in front of your face, but without the opposing force. The book is still heavy, and it's still there, but it's not causing too much of a struggle. Unfortunately, though, it is still between you and the world around you, like a shield you put up as an excuse.

Finally, visualize yourself with that same book in your lap. The book is still heavy, and it's still there, but now it isn't causing any struggle for you. Resting in your lap, you can still feel the weight of it--it is still present--but you've now allowed yourself to carry it with you rather than feeling burdened. You have chosen to affirm the book's presence, and yet, it doesn't have the ability to impede you as it could have.

The final option differs greatly from a life fighting, ignoring, or denying anxiety. It is a confident awareness that this is a feeling you experience, and not who you are. It is something not someone. It does not define you.

In her book When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times, Pema Chodron articulates this concept in the way only an American-turned-Bhuddist-guru can:

"So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn't sit for even one, that's the journey of the warrior."

It's not about a quick fix or the impossible task of getting rid of the anxiety. It's a gradual admission and permission to live with it instead of against it.


Here's to the choice not to stress over our anxiety,


Kristy



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