Ohm M G

I. don't. stop.

I'm like that girl from Small Wonder... besides the whole being-built-by-a-family-of-engineers aspect. I still haven't found the off switch.

My brain is comprised of a million ideas rushing around at all times. Thankfully it's only my own voice that I hear, but still, it's overwhelming.

My husband has brought this to my attention before, but I always thought I was being... productive. A word that has become worthy of a swear jar in my home.

I came to my own revelation yesterday as I completed a dozen, consecutive tasks ranging in scale from running Jonah to the potty--God help us--to searching Pinterest for a new recipe to try. If a necessary task isn't available, I will invent one.

I soon realized that I hadn't made the effort to even pause in over two hours...

In the professional world, this is typically seen as a positive trait since productivity is key...this only helps to maintain my denial.

One of my friends, who I am privileged to call a colleague, Julie Krautkramer (check out her master teacher insights & advice @ Teachers' Planning Partner), humorously pointed this out to me last year. She knows me so well that she was aware when I would... 'check out'... when certain meetings or discussions were occurring. I came across this explanation of those 'check out' moments, and it was too similar to my situation not to share:


Struggle #5 for People with Overactive Minds: 

"People never think you’re paying attention. I can understand that it might not look like I’m hearing what you are saying, but trust me, I hear everything. I just planned out my entire week, color-coded my wardrobe, and made a grocery list while you spoke. 

Oh, and that girl over there got food poisoning from the place you wanted to go to dinner tonight. Yeah. I heard her convo too. You might not be the only thing I’m paying attention to, but I’m still paying attention." 



I've recently decided to refer to my overly active mind as a separate entity. I use feminine pronouns, of course, and I'm finally willing to acknowledge that she has gotten out of control.

She needs to back off.

For instance, when I tell her it's time for bed, she contests that now would be an excellent time to ponder next week's schedule.

When I'm getting overwhelmed, she loves to assemble a list of all the reasons I should feel like a martyr.

So when I told her that meditation could be good for us, she smirked, nose in the air, as she asserted that this was too difficult for us.

'Meditation' has become such an intangible concept to me. It's one of those topics that was so hyped up at some point in time that it has taken on, ironically enough, a world of difficulty. 

Due to this feeling about meditation, I was confident to confront her when I found a clear, concise definition... 

"Meditation is the practice of turning your attention to a single point of reference." 

"Yeah, we're not capable of that," she scoffed.

Mantras, ohms, and unattainable balancing poses aside, this seemed attainable! Again, she laughed.

I am slowly, but surely, working to contradict her negative, lowered expectations. Today, once I realized that the home was settled and no true needs existed, I sat down in my comfy chair and focused on a tree in our backyard. There's nothing miraculous about this tree, but I had never taken the time to appreciate how the wind masters the tree's every move and how each leaf seems to take on its own life as the breeze passes through it.

This might not be what a yogi would qualify as 'meditation', but for me, I was able to purely enjoy giving my attention to a single point of reference... if not only to shut her freaking trap.

So for now, I'm trying to savor the end of my summer with my family, taking in all of my little moments & appreciating single reference points--nature, Andrew's snoring (yes, I have a BIG baby), Jonah's constant humming to tunes in his head, etc.

I've found myself enjoying these former background noises. I feel that simply acknowledging them & giving them their own, special attention has already eased my mind & kept her at bay... if only for the moment.


Here's to stopping the insanity of thinking about thinking,


Kristy

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