Enough.
I like to think that I'm a pretty 'nice' person. But as I write that, I realize that 'nice' isn't exactly a trait to strive for. It's like being the generic brand at the grocery store--the ingredients look the same, but that brand name version is always going to taste better.
It seems that my desire to be a 'good' person has always had its foundation in my faith and my upbringing. I've always felt pride in doing 'good' deeds, and I thought, naively, that God smiled down on me a little more for these miniscule acts of mine.
Through my continuing spiritual journey, and after discovering an insightful Franciscan friar by the name of Father Richard Rohr, being 'nice' has been turned on its head.
According my favorite friar, "God does not love you because you are good; God loves you because He is good."
Ouch. That hurt my ego just a little bit. Ok. A lot.
You're telling me that all of those times I have volunteered my time or offered a helping hand or feigned interest haven't mattered?! I don't have a choice in how much God likes me?
It's hard to come to terms with the idea that God is God and that God doesn't need me to do anything. If I love my Jesus for all that he has done for me, then that's that. I can't up the ante. And it comes as no surprise that when I try to up the ante, I actually end up isolating myself by going through the motions because my forced niceties aren't natural.
Father Rohr reflects on the probability that Saint Francis never stated these words exactly, but that through his example, Saint Francis professed:
"Preach the gospel at all times; when necessary, use words."
I can still remember the first time I read this statement. It required a second glance... and then further reflection...
It's not that I can't stop talking, it's that I typically don't want to. So swallowing this sword was quite difficult. Again, the idea that I couldn't talk my way into God's good graces was a disappointment.
This statement has guided me to a better understanding that living my life for God is enough. I am enough. I don't have to cross every kind-worded 't' or dot every charity donation 'i'. I can live each day without the idea of God peaking through the clouds with a checklist, which is both calming and humbling.
This also validates my belief that forcing spirituality of any sort is a complete waste of time. I've been on the receiving end as the Bible was figuratively thumped upside my head, and it frustrated me to no end that if this pastor would have embraced the words of both Father Rohr and St. Francis, he would have seen that I was already walking in my faith.
Glennon Doyle Melton put it this way: "Holy texts are like shovels--some use them to dig up the earth and plant new seeds and some use them to bang people over the head. Most of us do both."
There is no right answer, and there is no right way. This is why I feel so fulfilled reading about other faiths. When we're open to what others have to offer, and when we allow judgment and fear to subside, we realize we're all working toward the same goal of belonging.
Here's to a life unfettered by added shame. We are enough.
Kristy
It seems that my desire to be a 'good' person has always had its foundation in my faith and my upbringing. I've always felt pride in doing 'good' deeds, and I thought, naively, that God smiled down on me a little more for these miniscule acts of mine.
Through my continuing spiritual journey, and after discovering an insightful Franciscan friar by the name of Father Richard Rohr, being 'nice' has been turned on its head.
According my favorite friar, "God does not love you because you are good; God loves you because He is good."
Ouch. That hurt my ego just a little bit. Ok. A lot.
You're telling me that all of those times I have volunteered my time or offered a helping hand or feigned interest haven't mattered?! I don't have a choice in how much God likes me?
It's hard to come to terms with the idea that God is God and that God doesn't need me to do anything. If I love my Jesus for all that he has done for me, then that's that. I can't up the ante. And it comes as no surprise that when I try to up the ante, I actually end up isolating myself by going through the motions because my forced niceties aren't natural.
Father Rohr reflects on the probability that Saint Francis never stated these words exactly, but that through his example, Saint Francis professed:
"Preach the gospel at all times; when necessary, use words."
I can still remember the first time I read this statement. It required a second glance... and then further reflection...
It's not that I can't stop talking, it's that I typically don't want to. So swallowing this sword was quite difficult. Again, the idea that I couldn't talk my way into God's good graces was a disappointment.
This statement has guided me to a better understanding that living my life for God is enough. I am enough. I don't have to cross every kind-worded 't' or dot every charity donation 'i'. I can live each day without the idea of God peaking through the clouds with a checklist, which is both calming and humbling.
This also validates my belief that forcing spirituality of any sort is a complete waste of time. I've been on the receiving end as the Bible was figuratively thumped upside my head, and it frustrated me to no end that if this pastor would have embraced the words of both Father Rohr and St. Francis, he would have seen that I was already walking in my faith.
Glennon Doyle Melton put it this way: "Holy texts are like shovels--some use them to dig up the earth and plant new seeds and some use them to bang people over the head. Most of us do both."
There is no right answer, and there is no right way. This is why I feel so fulfilled reading about other faiths. When we're open to what others have to offer, and when we allow judgment and fear to subside, we realize we're all working toward the same goal of belonging.
Here's to a life unfettered by added shame. We are enough.
Kristy
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