Pints and Gallons
Maybe it's because I plan on getting ice cream later--surprise, surprise--or maybe it's because, especially recently, I've been struggling with the concept he discusses, but Bishop T.D. Jakes' talk on Oprah popped into my head today.
Watching the video & hearing his perception is far more valuable than any dissemination I could offer, but I want to reflect on how his ideas have impacted my life.
In this clip, Bishop T.D. Jakes speaks about our willingness and approach to loving people. He primarily focuses on how we tend to love people based on our own needs and expectations rather than what they truly have to offer & what we can offer them. This, inevitably, sets us up for DISASTER.
I love his metaphor of pints and gallons. He says that many of us are 10-gallon people. We have this enormous capacity to love, and so we expect the same from others.
This makes sense to me. By nature and by choice, I'm a very optimistic, positive person. I like to tackle any challenge that comes my way and so I try my best to make sure that everyone around me is happy too.
Now, this can also be my downfall because, as my husband knows, sometimes I obsess with his happiness. If he makes an observation that sounds like he might be unhappy, I have to fix it. Perfect example: when we attended an outdoor concert and he said that the sun was 'pretty hot today', I began scanning the grounds looking for shade. A hat! Did I bring him a hat?! You get the picture... I have to think of five hundred ways I can make things better for him, which usually ends up making it worse!
I understand this 10-gallon concept because not only do I feel very open to love, but I have to show it and share it ALL. THE. TIME. It's kind of a sickness. I'm as bad as chicken pox when it comes to my efforts to infect those around me.
Again, this might sound all sunshine and rainbows, but it does have some foundation in anxiety. It's this desire to make everything and everyone the best version--according to me.
This is where the pint side of the metaphor comes into play. The Bishop says that sometimes we 'gallon' people struggle in certain relationships because the other person happens to be a 'pint' person--one who comes to us with a lesser capacity for love.
Sometimes a 'pint' person is giving everything he/she has to give, but to us it seems like they aren't even trying.
Yup. Been there.
"When you squeeze an orange, you'll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what's inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what's inside.
If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what's inside."
Here's to being squeezed & always producing the same, simple product.
Kristy
Watching the video & hearing his perception is far more valuable than any dissemination I could offer, but I want to reflect on how his ideas have impacted my life.
In this clip, Bishop T.D. Jakes speaks about our willingness and approach to loving people. He primarily focuses on how we tend to love people based on our own needs and expectations rather than what they truly have to offer & what we can offer them. This, inevitably, sets us up for DISASTER.
I love his metaphor of pints and gallons. He says that many of us are 10-gallon people. We have this enormous capacity to love, and so we expect the same from others.
This makes sense to me. By nature and by choice, I'm a very optimistic, positive person. I like to tackle any challenge that comes my way and so I try my best to make sure that everyone around me is happy too.
Now, this can also be my downfall because, as my husband knows, sometimes I obsess with his happiness. If he makes an observation that sounds like he might be unhappy, I have to fix it. Perfect example: when we attended an outdoor concert and he said that the sun was 'pretty hot today', I began scanning the grounds looking for shade. A hat! Did I bring him a hat?! You get the picture... I have to think of five hundred ways I can make things better for him, which usually ends up making it worse!
I understand this 10-gallon concept because not only do I feel very open to love, but I have to show it and share it ALL. THE. TIME. It's kind of a sickness. I'm as bad as chicken pox when it comes to my efforts to infect those around me.
Again, this might sound all sunshine and rainbows, but it does have some foundation in anxiety. It's this desire to make everything and everyone the best version--according to me.
This is where the pint side of the metaphor comes into play. The Bishop says that sometimes we 'gallon' people struggle in certain relationships because the other person happens to be a 'pint' person--one who comes to us with a lesser capacity for love.
Sometimes a 'pint' person is giving everything he/she has to give, but to us it seems like they aren't even trying.
Yup. Been there.
Sometimes a 'pint' person doesn't need all that you think they should need because they are fulfilled with less than you would need.
Yup. Been there too.
This has always been a difficulty for me, but until I saw this clip and heard his words, I could never put my finger on it. It's not about placing blame, it's about reflecting on the fact that people are unique & that you will NEVER know what is best for someone else. You will also NEVER know what someone is capable of and isn't capable of.
If someone would have looked at me when I was dealing with postpartum depression, they would have expected me to be far more capable than I was. Diseases like depression, Lupus, anxiety, etc. don't appeal to our sense of sight, remember...
Ultimately, I try to use this metaphor whenever I find myself expecting or judging or trying too hard or taking things too personally.
I am a gallon person, but I also have pint tendencies when it comes to certain areas of life.
For whatever reason, narrowing people down to gallons and pints helps me to generalize all of the detailed difficulties in life. It's a way to stop dissecting and start getting the bigger picture.
Dr. Wayne Dyer says it like this:
I'm an English teacher... I love analogies...
"When you squeeze an orange, you'll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what's inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what's inside.
If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what's inside."
Here's to being squeezed & always producing the same, simple product.
Kristy
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