Judgment Day

Maybe it's because I've been around so many people and so many places over this Independence weekend, but I've realized that I am constantly making judgments.

I found myself judging the food I ate, how much I ate--yikes!, where I ate, when I ate... you get the picture. I was constantly evaluating and drawing conclusions about so many details. Let me revise that--so many insignificant details.

Why?

Why is judgment always my instant reaction to new surroundings? Why don't I allow the 'experience' to be an experience without always having to have an opinion about it?

In my minimal reflection on all of this, I've found that there's a spectrum of judgment, and it all comes down to this: My concern over making a judgment is based on how much pride I have in that area of my life and, equally, how much insecurity could arise.

For instance, when I eat a new dessert, I don't tend to make many judgments about the dessert. First, because I'll basically eat anything with sugar in it. But secondly, baking is an area of life that I feel very confident in. I really enjoy it, usually with Jonah in his Batman apron, and I know that it's one of my strengths.

On the other hand, when I see someone dressed... let's say 'people of Walmart' style... my instant reaction is to evaluate their appearance and make a judgment. I make inferences about who they are and what they value. I minimize this human being and all he/she has to offer based solely on fabric.

In this case, I truly believe that, somewhere in my subconscious, it has to do with me checking one more person off on my list of 'people I can appear better than'. Regardless of topic (clothes, weight, humor, etc.), it's as though I'm reassuring myself with each person I downgrade. I'm building myself up by tearing them down.

Now, many of these judgments never leave my mind, but isn't that worse?

I'm not saying they should be spoken, but think of what those thoughts are doing to my own mind. I am perpetuating the belief that I should have an opinion on everything.

For me, it goes back to that meditation philosophy I spoke about in an earlier entry. What if I made these observations & took everything in, but instead of making an evaluation and concluding with judgment, I simply acknowledged the observation and 'pushed' it away?

Instead of leaning to the person next to me to negatively remark about a nearby person's laugh, what if I simply noticed the laugh and moved on with life?

I know I'm not strong-willed enough to notice everything in a positive light; I'm barely strong-willed enough to notice things without judgment. But even if I do jump to a condescending opinion, wouldn't the simple strategy of stopping myself before I allow it to leave my lips be a step in a really positive direction?

I don't know that I'll ever be able to use my senses solely for good or even neutral purposes, but I'm thinking that if I stop to acknowledge where my mind is heading, I'll at least prevent further pollution of my own mind & those of others.

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Here's to throwing starfish...

Kristy