Hello... 37

 

Today is my birthday. Birthdays as an adult often come with more reflection and processing than they ever did as a kid, and this year I find myself focused on the 364 days that led up to this day. 

The way you feel on your birthday is, typically, the sum of where you are in your life based on your past. Sure, you can spend 24-hours or more celebrating the actual day itself, but, eventually, that experience fades, and reality settles back in as you wait another 364 days to create that feeling again.

I used to give so much energy (and expectation) to what November 16th “should” look like each year--gifts, attention, greetings--but on this day, in my 37th year of life, I’m realizing that my birthday isn’t about this day at all.

It’s about the way I feel today, not about what happens today. 

It’s that my past 364, day in and day out, have been filled with a variety of emotions--some bad, many good--but the one truth is that they’ve all been anchored in hope. Hope for myself and those I love based on the life we are intentionally creating.

So this November 16th, I am still very grateful for what this day looks like--

My mom humoring me by joining in a photo she wouldn’t usually take. My dad laughing as he listens to each of his grandkids--double the grandkids & double the laughing this year. Our kids spending hours decorating and making cards with no one holding them to it. And my best friend covered in baking flour because he’s creating the birthday that I wanted... because he asked: Time with family, his delicious homemade pizza, and a single, striking flower purchased from our local florist shop.

But I’ll also take stock of the past 364 days and why I feel the way I do today--

I’m learning that I get out of life not only what I put into it, but, most importantly, I find that when I speak up & clearly communicate my needs, those needs are getting met more than ever before. In my first thirty years, I thought the universe was supposed to “vibe” off of what I knew I wanted--it was supposed to just “know” what I needed and put all of the pieces in place for me. But I’ve earned this hard lesson: Life isn’t going to mold to your needs based on what you think. Your life forms based on what you do. 

The more clarity and intention I’ve brought to life on a daily and hourly basis, the better it has become. This looks like speaking up when I need an hour of alone time. It looks like planning a weekend around what we want for our family--not what we should do. And, so gratefully, it looks like walking out to get the mail knowing that I probably won’t return for an hour, because neighbors will strike up a conversation or welcome me in to see how their new home projects are coming along.

I’ve learned that it’s not about narrowly focusing on the BIG picture. It’s what I choose in the small moments that ultimately builds the BIG picture--and it’s why I feel the way I do today. Sure there are many BIG decisions I’ve made in my life, but when I reflect on what has made the last 364 so beautiful, it’s the routine and, sometimes, mundane events where we’ve added a little laughter and stayed open to what could happen instead of putting on blinders of expectation for what should happen.

I’m giving myself permission to apply what I’ve learned in the past, to try to stay mindful in the present, and to keep a hopeful vision for the future. 

In these next 364 days, I want to work on being a better friend, staying open to possibilities, and slowing down when the world tells me to speed up. It’s going to take daily intentions to grow in these areas, but all things worth experiencing do.

Here’s to 37 years of faith, family, and figuring out what I want out of life,

Kristy Jean