One Word Update: Sunday, May 3rd

Date: Sunday, May 3rd

Days until May 26th: 23

My word: Capable


Since my last post, I've really tried to pay attention when I've felt capable so that I could think about why I felt capable in that moment.

This pandemic has definitely forced a new approach to daily life, and I can see how it's much easier to feel incapable when so many of my identities are non-existent. And yet, I think there's still so much to take away from this experience that speaks to my everyday life--pandemic or not.


Here are some of the moments when I felt capable directly because of some outside source:

Reassurance over the phone with family and friends

The boys telling me they love me

Emails & meetings with colleagues who "get it"

Likes and views on my blog posts

Likes and comments on my facebook account

Seeing others out at the park just like me

Seeing others in the grocery store with masks on just like me

Taking in news from various sources that aligned with my thinking

The boys' journal entries that said their favorite parts of the day were snuggles & talking about their feelings

Here are some of the moments I felt capable because of something within:

• The fact that my boys always find a way to be physically near me
• Calling a "family meeting" when the boys were struggling to be independent while I was in meetings (see previous bullet point for the irony)
• That calm feeling after giving myself permission for some "me" time (shower, 5-minute meditation, my own Mommy time out... more on that later)
• Setting boundaries and making choices based on my own comfort levels with this pandemic
• The feeling after I've remembered, for the millionth time, to send up prayers rather than overthink a situation

As I typed those lists, I started noticing some patterns...

The feelings of capability that came from an outside source were, for the most part, very short-term and anchored in instant gratification. They filled a temporary need and helped me to keep trying.

On the other hand, the feelings of capability that came from within were long-term and have very real potential of carrying a lasting impact. I made choices based on a need that I could feel, and those choices provided me with a comfort that speaks to the core of who I am, what I need, and what I want for my family.


So what does all of this mean?

I'm not quite sure as of yet, but I'm a big believer in uncovering thoughts and sitting with them before, if ever, picking them apart to analyze their "meaning".

Right now, I'm just going to sit with that a-ha moment--noticing that the capability that I feel because of external sources is temporary and the capability I feel because of internal sources carries longer lasting impact. 


This is our third week on this unexpected journey. Where are you with your word? Are you noticing anything more because of this singular focus? Don't forget to allow yourself the space to just notice--too often we rush into doing something when really we'd take more away from just observing what's happening around and within ourselves.



Here's to controlling our focus when we can't control much else,


Kristy