In Love Order

Oprah's Super Soul Sunday used to be a guilty pleasure of mine.

When I actually caught a portion of the show or quickly DVR'd it before one of the boys needed something, I would always feel this twinge of guilt because it seemed like one of those self-help-ish, contradictory things to do.

But then I saw David Brooks speak on her show, and now I still watch, but it's no longer a guilty pleasure... it's just a pleasure.

David Brooks is a primarily political writer and commentator who has gradually pursued a life away from all of the expectations of the political life.

I'm maybe ten pages into his book The Road to Character, but I already know it's one that's right up my alley.

There were two concepts that he hit on on the Oprah show and in his book that I'm still simmering on because they were such grand ideas:

1. Some of us live for our resume; some of us live for our eulogy.

Right out of the gate, this is the first giant thought that comes out of his book. Now, he is quite self-aware that he has been paid to be a political blow-hard who is supposed to be a bit pompous and all-knowing, but it's because of that experience that he is able to reflect & has been able to grow so greatly in his character.

He basically asks the question 'are all of your toils & duties in pursuit of your career, or are they in pursuit of your character?'

Is your priority in life to strive for tangible recognition & accolades or is your priority grounded in how you make others feel?

Ugh. I know how I'd like to respond to that question, but then I also know what the truth can often be.

Everything is such a juggling act that I know I tend to lean toward the one that gives me instant gratification, and though I excuse my acts based on the pursuit of that resume, ultimately, they're excuses for a reason.

This concept is a common theme that he bases his own character journey on, and which lends itself to the point he shared that even made Oprah stop and think...

    2. Sin happens when our loves are out of order.

(Now step away from the "sin is a Christian word" mindset, and see it more as the other definitions of the word--missing the mark or stepping away from what society sees as the ideal human life--and now it applies to all of us, regardless of faith.)

So, I live for my resume, not my eulogy, when my loves are out of order.

I disregard values & others when my loves are out of order... This hit me.

And I've been thinking over it for some time. The way I see it, when I love things in life above loving people, that's when my loves are most often out of order.

My own, personal loves are out order when...

• I honk at the person in front of me, rather than considering why they're driving slowly.

• I respond harshly to a student because I'm putting my stress level above a teachable moment.

• I get overwhelmed with Jonah because he's not completing my Pinterest craft the right way.

• I rush my husband to be on time because I'm more concerned with others' needs than his.
• But let's be real... that's one that I'm willing to put a quarter in the jar for... I mean, he's ALWAYS late... and he knows it...

(I told you, I'm still simmering on this...)

The list is endless, but at the core, I've started seeing things a bit differently. When I rush to one of those sin attributes--envy, stress, anger, judgment--I've started asking myself if my loves are out of order. 

Almost every time, that wording is enough to help me do a 180 and see what I'm ignoring in my blindness.

Maya Angelou said it best...

Here's to reordering our loves so that our eulogies write themselves, 

Kristy

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