When is your second book coming out?

 

"When is your second book coming out?" is a question I get from time to time.

This question is very well-intentioned, and yet it reminds me of my slow recovery after my first son, Jonah, was born... I just pushed out this massive, 250+ page baby filled with heartbreak, love, and painstakingly documented sources--let me spend time with it & share it with the world before I decide if the pain was worth doing it all over again! 😂

My book "baby" is eight months old , which means I am eight months into being a published author. So since this is all new territory, questions like these genuinely encourage me to take stock of this new journey since publishing Decision Permission.

The first six months were a wave of collaborations, appearances, interviews, and experiences. I rode that wave while simultaneously doing my best to control what I said "yes" or "no" to. I took my own advice and gave myself permission to maintain the personal-professional-family balance I had worked so hard to achieve.

So now, eight months and many opportunities later, I can happily say that I'm proud to have brought this book into the world. Learning from and with others has been a life-changing experience--giving me new perspective about what it means to truly empathize with others. I'm so grateful to have found another (unexpected) life opportunity to prove that facing your fears, doubts, and guilt will always give you a direct path to your most authentic life.

As new and different opportunities arise, though, I find that I'm struggling to decide which direction to go in next. 

Some days I wonder if having this "baby" was enough labor, and watching it grow on its own is reward enough. And then other days I'm so dang proud of it that I want to show everyone a million pictures and share it with perfect strangers!

Since my book "baby" is up and walking on its own now, I'm realizing that I need to find a new way to determine what I say "yes" to and what I say "no" to...

So I took to Backward Planning (from State 2: Prepare) for this new stage of life, and I've realized a few things about where I've wanted each journey to end:

• Before publishing, my target was to publish the book.
• After publishing, my target was to spread the word & message of my book
• Now, 8 months since publishing, _______ (I don't know what I'm after...)

It's obvious, then, why I've felt unsure of my next steps as an author/speaker/educator--my efforts haven't had a target to aim for.

I took a hard, honest look at what was driving me as I have continued in this role, and I asked myself the essential question in State 4: Persevere: "What has kept me going with Decision Permission?"

When I'm stuck, I love a good word web, so here's what I cranked out at the coffee shop:

My responses ran the spectrum from serving others to self-serving. I wrote "give others hope" next to "income". I wrote "spread faith" next to "increase social media followers". As the truth appeared on the page, I realized I had lost sight of the authenticity that I had been aiming to help others find...

And this reminded me, once again, that this is why I published this book in the first place. 

I didn't publish this book as the expert on decision making. I published this book to share my own vulnerability on the road of life, reminding us all that the only way to live a fulfilled life is to keep revisiting our words, actions, and needs to make sure they align with what we truly want out of life...when we've Pondered enough to know what that is...

• I began by placing X's next targets that I wanted to stop pursuing. 
• I placed question marks next to those I wanted to think more about. 
• And when all was said and done, I place stars next to the few targets that I wanted to proudly work toward.

My targets boiled down to two self-serving reasons & two reasons that served others, and that balance makes sense for me:

While I could elaborate on each, simplifying these big concepts has already helped me determine some of my next steps. (and you know it's the new wallpaper on my phone!)

When I decide what to post, which events to agree to, & which next steps to pursue, I am asking myself if they align with these 4 targets. If not, I am giving myself permission to easily say "no thank you". Intentionality like this is at the heart of Decision Permission, and it's why my copy is marked up and filled with Post-Its just as much as anyone else's!

If I can share one lesson it would be that you can't go after a dream while obsessing over the end product. When I was pregnant with Jonah, I just prayed for a healthy, happy baby. That target was clear enough to help me make choices that were in my control, but it was still vague enough to remind myself that I'm not always in control.

So I hope you'll get started with that class, that idea, that relationship, that new job that's keeping you awake at night. Be afraid, and doubtful, and filled with guilt and do it ANYWAYS!

Like me, you might find that you're not doing anything wrong in life; you just need to define your mission in order to define your decisions.

Here's to every form of new life that we choose to add to our lives,

Kristy Jean