Every year, at the midpoint of this month, two opposing forces take over social media, stores, and coffee shop conversation:
1. Teachers: "Why is this Back to School crap out already?!"
2. Parents & Caretakers: "When do we get to send the kids back to school?!"
And it's at this time that I begin to feel like a double agent. I empathize with my fellow educators as the discounted materials start showing up (fingers crossed they can be communal once again!) and, within the same day, sharing with fellow parents and caretakers the many ways I am steps away from being featured in Bad Moms 3.
This split-personality could easily take me on a one-way street toward stressed out and overwhelmed, and trust me, I've had my moments, but I've also found this unique perspective offers me the chance to blend my personal and professional worlds.
It might sound strange, but it's very easy for me to compartmentalize my work world separately from my home world. Being an educator and a mom should provide two sides of the same coin, but all of that research-based work I do as an instructional coach tends to fade to the background when it comes to my own kids who I can say, do, and preach whatever I want to...
So, I'm working on melding my two worlds again at this crucial midpoint of the summer.
In my profession, I've learned:
- Kids (and adults) grow best through positive reinforcement.
- Kids learn the most when they're challenge to be independent & speak for themselves.
- Kids, like dogs, are least annoying when they are given intentional physical and emotional attention.
As a mom, I've learned all of those things too, but no one holds me accountable to put down the dishes, my phone, or my overthinking brain in order to make those things happen.
With all of these reflections in mind, and thinking of all of you out there who are mommin', daddyin', daycarin', grandparentin', and all the other shorthanded versions of people out there who are caring for kids in the summer, I've put together a few tips that have helped me turn a positive corner every July:
1. Point out the positives without overdoing it. Kids need us to notice when they're doing well, but key in on specifics that are above-and-beyond. Every kids should throw away their garbage, but not every kid helps his/her brother pick up a spill. Celebrate the positives that go beyond just being a responsible citizen.
2. Rather than speaking for your kids, start focusing on your questioning. Ask them how they will solve their own problems. Ask them what chores they think are most important right now. Start getting them to own their decisions, and you'll notice how much less they're overusing your name. (See my previous blog post for 3 easy ways to help kids get started)
3. Make a schedule for the kids but for yourself too. I've found it much easier to make intentional time with my kids when we all have "game time" or "reading time" on a schedule. The moments are priceless, and all it takes is some mindful planning.
Wherever your mind and heart are this July, I hope these reflections will help you to continue/adjust course, or make a U-turn on your interactions with the kiddos you're raising. Because no matter what role you're playing, you are a crucial piece to their developing puzzles.
Here's to a midpoint mental check for all of us,
Kristy Jean
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