To All the Haters. Including me.

I'd like to address the haters, the bullies, and the downright jerks of the world. And when I say "address" I don't mean that I'd like to talk to them but, rather, that I'd like to discuss this topic. Because in my mind, it's impossible to address the haters as a separate group, because we all have the capacity to be a member.

As the school year comes to a close, this topic has come to the forefront of my mind for both our children and ourselves. In schools, especially, we teach our students to be on the lookout for "bullies" and to stand up to "bullies". But in the world of social media, especially, I think we need to focus more heavily on teaching our children, and ourselves, how not to be the bully.


Reverend John Watson once said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about."

Glennon Melton added, "Including you."


And when I think of this original quote, it feels like a reiteration of the mentality that there are "bullies" around us, and we should treat them kindly, because they are facing challenging situations behind the scenes. And I agree. But Melton's addition to this quote is the direction I'm encouraging all of us to head in--to focus less on our perception of the behavior of others and more on what is happening inside ourselves.

What if we self-reflected before we self-projected?

What if we acknowledged that the behaviors that bother us in others are often those that we struggle with ourselves?

For instance, have you ever noticed how easy it is to join in with a group of people who are speaking negatively; whereas, it is extremely challenging to accept a compliment? What kind of a world do we live in where we're more comfortable judging others than we are in taking pride in ourselves?

It's scary when you think of it. And it makes me on even higher alert for my own children and students. Are we passing this trait on to them? Do they know that self-love eradicates the need for worrying about how others are living their lives?

If I've learned anything in the past year or so in my life, it's that there is a lot of love around you if you'll only reach out, and there is also a contradicting amount of indirect judgment simmering in those who think they know best (and think you aren't aware of the simmering).

And while I could easily give them a name (bully) and pity myself (victim), I've tried to focus more on my own self-care so that I can remind myself that other than God and me, no one else knows what it actually looks like to live my life day to day. And that truth needs to propel me forward so that I can be more mindful of my own needs and to catch myself when I fall into the same trap of judging others.

To quote a wise song... from the movie Frozen... because I'm a mom and Disney songs tend to provide life lessons in the most basic form:

"People make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed..."

WE make bad choices when we're mad or scared or stressed, because WE are people. The "people" they sing of aren't this skittish group, ostracized by society.

All three of these emotions lead all of us into being the "bully", especially when it comes to non-confrontational hating. When we speak ill of others behind their backs, or even weigh in on how we think they should live their lives, we need to:

A. Remind ourselves that we have no place to judge others

B. Dig deeper if we're ever to get to the root of why we think it's ever our place to judge


Where have we been so mad or scared or stressed in our lives that we felt it our place, and our right, to discuss another human being's path in life?

My dear friend, Lori, posted this thoughtful quote the other day:




While I cherish this quote and the way it challenges me, I would venture to say that all of us are these people when we're not so mad, scared, or stressed... but when we're facing these emotions, we easily talk about other people in order to avoid facing our own struggles.

With a new week ahead, school years coming to a close, and summers just beginning, I challenge all of us to reflect on the ways we can help our children and ourselves to understand that the only bullies we need to fear are those we choose to become when we're not mindful.

Because if we each take care to focus on our own triggers toward negativity, then we're starting in the only place we have actual control--with our own choices.


Here's to standing up to ourselves,


Kristy