A Focus on Christmas PRESENT
Merry Christmas, everyone!
On a scale from 1-10, how "merry" are you actually feeling? I don't know about you, but I often feel that holidays come with a seemingly equal dose of joy and guilt.
This year, especially, I find myself comparing what was to what is, and I started realizing just how often I hear others talk about this same thing around the holidays. We remember who was here that isn't anymore, what we did last year that we can't this year, or even what we were able to buy in the past that we aren't able to this time around.
With so many won'ts, can'ts, and don'ts rolling around in my own head, I took a deep breath... ok, like ten deep breaths, a bucket of tears, and a codeine, and I tried to shift my perspective, since that's the only factor I have control of each and every day.
I immediately thought to the book (surprise, surprise) I recently completed by Sheryl Sandberg, titled Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. In it, Sheryl recounts the devastation of her husband's sudden death and how she has had to accept, and create, an "Option B" for herself and her two children in light of the fact that her Option A was not a possibility anymore.
As I think about the holiday season and all of the guilt, anxiety, and fear it can stir up, the three "P's" she shared from psychologist Martin Seligman came to mind. Apparently, when we need to be resilient in the face of setbacks in life, these three can hold us back from moving forward:
Kristy
On a scale from 1-10, how "merry" are you actually feeling? I don't know about you, but I often feel that holidays come with a seemingly equal dose of joy and guilt.
This year, especially, I find myself comparing what was to what is, and I started realizing just how often I hear others talk about this same thing around the holidays. We remember who was here that isn't anymore, what we did last year that we can't this year, or even what we were able to buy in the past that we aren't able to this time around.
With so many won'ts, can'ts, and don'ts rolling around in my own head, I took a deep breath... ok, like ten deep breaths, a bucket of tears, and a codeine, and I tried to shift my perspective, since that's the only factor I have control of each and every day.
I immediately thought to the book (surprise, surprise) I recently completed by Sheryl Sandberg, titled Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. In it, Sheryl recounts the devastation of her husband's sudden death and how she has had to accept, and create, an "Option B" for herself and her two children in light of the fact that her Option A was not a possibility anymore.
As I think about the holiday season and all of the guilt, anxiety, and fear it can stir up, the three "P's" she shared from psychologist Martin Seligman came to mind. Apparently, when we need to be resilient in the face of setbacks in life, these three can hold us back from moving forward:
- Personalization--the belief that we are at fault
- Pervasiveness--the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life
- Permanence--the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever
Personalization, for me, doesn't mean that I think I'm at fault for Christmastime being a struggle; instead, I think it could be interpreted that we will feel at fault if it doesn't go well. What a tall order we place on our shoulders...
Pervasiveness seems to be the one that's easiest to slip into--because the music and decorations and reminders are everywhere, we tend to assume that our challenging feelings around this time of year have to impact every aspect of our lives until the 26th rolls around. But if we just close our eyes and step away from the madness for a minute, we will remember that the world is much bigger than the Hobby Lobby 60% off aisles, and that a date on a calendar shouldn't impact the way we live our lives.
Permanence is probably the least aligned with the holiday struggles, but I do see how we make ourselves believe that every Christmas and every holiday will be just as hard as what we're experiencing in the present moment. When you don't see a light of hope, it's easy to assume there will always be darkness.
Though the holidays are meant to be a time of joy and a focus on the birth of Jesus, it's so incredibly easy to get wrapped up (unintentional pun) in not just the materialism, but the way you remember Christmastime as it used to be. Too often, we assume that people spend money this time of year because they're "materialistic", but I believe we do this, subconsciously, to bring back whatever feeling we captured during a previous holiday that we simply want to recreate for ourselves and those we love.
But the harsh reality is that if we keep trying to recreate Option A, the 3 P's are holding us back--no matter how many "just right" gifts we buy. We choose to sacrifice present joy for an elusive past that may or may not have been as beautiful as we remember it.
While I know these pieces are easier said than done to accept and move forward with, I always come back to the impact that I know gratitude can have. So rather than focusing on what isn't this year, I'm making a conscious effort to focus on what is.
After all, at one time, those feelings and experiences we're trying to recapture this holiday season never existed. We didn't see them coming, and we may not have even realized our joy in the moment, so who are we to think that we won't look back in hindsight and see what was so beautiful about this holiday and those we were surrounded by?
Here's to keeping Christ in Christmas and an awareness of the 3 P's over Presents,
Kristy
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